tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

(via bandmembersandcats)

djkaeru:

coelacanthteeth:

never ever apologize to me for your dog being too excited to see me

a dog could knock me to the ground and give me a black eye and I would still hug it and love it because dogs hurt because they love too much I love dogs

image

(Source: princemotorcycle, via turtlesaremybestfriends)

night-time-bluess:

suarezalex:

okay seriously if you’re in a relationship or even a friendship and you find yourself spending more time crying out of sadness or arguing with them, leave them. i don’t care if they’re a modern day aphrodite/adonis or a gift bestowed upon you by the gods. toxic people are dangerous and i highly advise cutting them out of your life and finding someone who makes you laugh until you snort your drink out your nose instead.

this is fucking important

(via bandmembersandcats)

giantmechanicalants:

theflyingdutchman:

why do people get so mad about puns? they’re literally the nicest kind of humor. they make nobody feel bad. it’s just clever. sometimes it’s original. learn to like puns. don’t let society run your life

Some may not admit it, but 99% of the anger people experience after a good pun comes from the fact that they didn’t think of it first.

(via youreyeslikediamonds)